What To Do When Your Elected Head Of State Embarrasses You

Keep reminding Yourself, "You Could Have Done Worse"

This article is classified "Partly real, partly fictional"

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR ELECTED HEAD OF STATE EMBARRASSES YOU BY...

          1) ...TRAVELING TO ANOTHER COUNTRY AND TRYING TO FORCE THAT COUNTRY
             TO ACCEPT THE BLAME FOR YOUR SOCIAL/ECONOMIC/MORAL PROBLEMS OF
             YOUR DEVISING.

             Consider how lucky you are that you didn't elect a Head of State
             with no foreign policy experience whatsoever.

          2) ...MAKING SPEECHES DURING WHICH THEY PROPOSE THAT THE BEST WAY
             TO SOLVE NATIONAL ECONOMIC/SOCIAL/HEALTH/EDUCATIONAL PROBLEMS IS
             FOR INDIVIDUALS TO CHANGE THEIR BEHAVIOR, RATHER THAN BY
             SPENDING GOVERNMENT MONEY.

             Consider the fact that they are probably correct, especially
             when you take into account the fundamental nature of politics,
             governments, and bureaucracies.

          3) ...CHOOSING A VICE-HEAD-OF-STATE WHOSE PRIMARY QUALITY IS WIDELY
             CONSIDERED (REGARDLESS OF THE TRUTH OF THE PERCEPTION) TO BE
             THEIR ABILITY TO SUPPLY STAND-UP COMEDIANS WITH MATERIAL.

             Support weapons control legislation.  Contribute to medical
             research.

          4) ...  SPENDS INORDINATE AMOUNTS OF TIME AND MONEY ON OBSCURE
             LEGAL QUESTIONS REGARDING THE CONSTITUTION.

             Remember that a dollar spent on satellite links between Moose
             Jaw, Saskatchewan and Goose Bay, Newfoundland is a dollar not
             spent on curtains for the Head of State's mother's friend's
             house.

          5) ...  CARRIES OUT MONUMENTALLY STUPID POLICIES, RESULTING IN S/HE
             BEING LESS POPULAR THAN CLINICALLY INSANE MEMBERS OF THE KLU
             KLUX KLAN, GREEN VEST SOCIETY, OR THE DECALEGGED BEING
             LIBERATION FRONT.

             Swallow your principles and fight for the incumbent incompetent.

          6) ...  CARRIES OUT MONUMENTALLY STUPID POLICIES AND ACTIONS,
             RESULTING IN S/HE LOSING AN ELECTION TO CLINICALLY INSANE
             MEMBERS OF THE KLU KLUX KLAN, GREEN VEST SOCIETY, OR THE
             DECALEGGED BEING LIBERATION FRONT.

             Move to somewhere relaxingly idyllic and safe, like a naked
             singularity.

          7) ...  MAKES COMMENTS ABOUT POLLUTION-CAUSING TREES, RADIATION
             BEING GOOD FOR THE SINUSES, AND BOMBING THE ENEMY BACK TO THE
             PRE-CABLE AGE.

             Celebrate the fact that you have a Head of State capable of
             hiring a great many advisors and then ignoring them completely.